To A. M.

It is really saddening the way we got carried away in those first moments. What saddens me the most in all of it is that you realized it before I did and kept your silence about it; instead of speaking up, you slowly started treating me like everyone else, another of the anyones who are the extras in the background of your life. You dissimulate very well, but as you said once, I can see through you. I read people without effort, and I made an extra effort into reading you, trying to catch every meaning of everything you said and did.

I guess you knew it'd hit me anytime. Well, it did. The worst way, leaving me the impression that you were not up to the challenge of coming clean. In that sense, I was way more mature than you, despite you having so many more years of experience than I do.

It came to a point where I started pondering how I deserve better. Not a better person--I don't believe I am better than you; just a better treatment, at least one more humane. So I kept pushing for you to give it to me straight. You had rather have kept distant and indifferent to my efforts of reaching out.

Now I guess you're back 'adrift in an ocean full of sharks,' the people you have superficial talks with, the people who secretly despise your snobbish attitude, those who don't care about you and about whom you don't care much--or so you say. It saddens me to report, dear, that you have indeed become one of the monsters you fight so much. If you took the time and looked into yourself, you'd see it--I know I did.