Wandering away

It’s annoying how much I change over time. Change takes place inevitably when I’m alone. Loneliness is uncomfortable, but solitude is intrinsic to my being. It’s not a matter of “if you leave me alone, I’ll change.” It is due no matter what. I need solitude and I’ll have it whenever I need it. I can easily shut myself from the outside world wherever I am, in order to wander in the world of my thoughts.

I have come to realize that people do not come and go into my life. It is I that part from them, because of my taking different paths. ‘Tis the way it has been with everyone who’s become somehow dear and close to me. I had a selfish, misled opinion that other people did not care enough about me to stay close, but now I see how hard it is to stay close to a nonstop nomad. How can one stay close to a person one can’t even find (not in geographical terms, but in terms of state of spirit and mind)?

So there it is, this is why I can’t hold on to people; they’re like sand in my hands--or maybe I’m like sand in their hands, always escaping between their fingers, grain by grain. I get to see them leave, while they get to see me live. Every single friend for whom my heart once ached didn’t actually break it; ‘twas merely the ripping of bonds that took place when I changed and wandered away. Maybe sometime I’ll see one accompany me in the course of my path. Maybe this time. I can only hope, for the loneliness I can cope.

Comments

  1. me!December 26, 2007 at 3:33 PM

    Hmm, I beg to differ.
    I think there's no such thing as slipping through your fingers, unless you got amnesia and don't remember anyone. Whatever stays of people is nothing you can touch or feel or talk to, but what you remember.
    As for you, I guarantee you're one of those things that stay, an amazing person and a true friend. Maybe that's all that matters after all?
    By the way, merry christmas.
    Yours truly,
    still here.
    ;D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Rafael de Sá CavalcantiDecember 26, 2007 at 6:12 PM

    :~
    Well, I sure wasn't thinking of anyone who reads this when I wrote it. That doesn't mean you're supposed to leave this heart-stretching comment.

    Gonna cry myself to sleep now, thanks so much.

    Merry Christmas and all the best for you, you adorable she-devil.
    Yours truly,
    still crying like a baby.

    ReplyDelete
  3. me!January 8, 2008 at 12:12 PM

    Jeez, grow some balls.
    Love ya ;F

    ReplyDelete

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